I prayed before I decided to write. Before, one word would cross paths with this blank document.
Asking for support, and guidance from the one who is always beside me, my love, my healer, Jesus Christ. Who walked with me through all these afflictions…trials I created, trials that were out of my control, and trials placed on me due to the circumstance I was in. I’ve come to believe we all have choices. No matter how pitiful the options may be. These choices can lead us down dark and twisted avenues. Bends and turns we would have never conceived, down contorted realities, and misshapen perceptions. Into places we may never want to recollect, or admit. Places, some of us, would deny or accuse as false and undeserving of recognition. We can’t always ignore the dark, while climbing into the freedom of the light. I’d go so far to say, it’s impossible to truly be free, without acknowledging, and washing clean the soiled insides of the past.
To turn it into something new, which only God can do…in entirety.
There have been a few time’s, I thought it may be over. This warfare I’m in. That we’re all in. Not so much over, but coming to a closing state. And yet, there seems to always be another key, to another locked box deep within, my heart. The thing is, no matter how utterly exhausting, or wickedly painful, these surfacing’s can be, if I let Him, Jesus comes in with a touch so authentic and clean, that I’m beautifully set as new. That these uttering’s of my soul, are made passionately useable. And, I’m humbly grateful to have experienced such a thing. No matter the gravity of it, or how it tore me into shreds of discarded filth. Because He picks up my dirt…and holds in His hands, molding it and shaping in his everlasting light. Turning the wounds into scars I can wear with honor, and carry them with me like a soldier of war. No heavy weight.
These things. And so, tonight I will start my next post for the follow-up of “I want it all”. https://thisbeatingheart.wordpress.com/2011/11/21/i-want-it-all/
Holding clear to my mind, these things. Pushing forth, in all righteous fury to rise up against the plague of my past, I’ve collapsed beneath, for so long.
Calling to my mind, the truth.
That God brings all things together for our good. That I am free from condemnation in Him, and that this story, my life thus far, was never meant to be tucked away, not be contained, but shared freely in love, with a purpose that only God knows in absolute.