I can admit it.
I’ve been avoiding my blog. This big pendulum swaying over my head. Memories swirling around me. Loud, and heavy. Part of me was ashamed, and the other part was just tired of lurking around in the depths of my past. I got weary.
I had started to feel dirty again. Unable to wash off the mud, and let the murky water go down the drain. So, I took a break. A really long one.
I don’t want to be on a break anymore. I want to finish, and move forward with new things to write about. The last blog I wrote in regards to my memoir, left you at the apartment, with the Asian student. I totally freaked out after that entry, because it was truly the beginning, of a time I’ve never felt more dead and alone. It can be very difficult to recount these times, being that I’m happy now. That I’m a Mother, and a Wife. That I live in a house in the suburbs..that I’m in love with Jesus..all these things a COMPLETE opposite of the darkness that still resides within my mind, when I travel back to that place. Can something you’ve suffocated out of you come back to life? it can when you write about it. Snaps back, upright, staring into your eyes…you ready for me Angie?
If it will help bury you where you belong…through self acceptance, sharing and prayer…then yes, I’m ready for you, you dark little shit.
I’m in the light..and a little black puddle can’t drown me.
Not when I’m in the hands of God. If I let Him hold me..and I will. I’ve learned a lot in the last year.
So, give me a few days to pray.
A few days to go back.
A few days to breathe it in again, and re-live the story I need to tell you. Because like my old title says..It’s a story worth telling.
I’m not gonna give up.